Scripts
Script 1-JewBot
MIKES GARAGE
COOMBES: Hey! What the hell are you guys doing?
MIKE: Get outta here, ya freakin' heeb! We're making a goddam robot for Robot wars!
SEB: Yeah. The Lethal Monkey will slaughter the in-house robots and leave their silent carcasses to rust in pity for eternity.
COOMBES: Goddammit! You freaks suck Lesley's ma!
WILLERS: mnmnmnmnmnmnmnmnmnnmmmnnnn.
LESLEY'S GARAGE
LESLEY: At last! My ultimate creation is complete! Behold : SIR WANKALOT!! Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!
(MIKE enters)
MIKE: Lesley, what do you think you're playing at?
LESLEY: I have created the ultimate killing machine, hahahahah!
MIKE: It's a friggin' bean tin on a stick, Lesley.
LESLEY: Screw you! Adeshi says it's damn fine!
MIKE: Ah yes, your imaginary friend.
LESLEY: GODDAMMIT!!!
ROBOT WARS ARENA
CRAIG CHARLES: Ever since the dawn of time…
FAN: GET ON WITH IT, FREAK!
CRAIG CHARLES: O.K. Lets introduce this weeks robots. First up, Sir wankalot! Built by Lesley and Willers from Newquay. Next: The Lethal Monkey, built by Mike and Seb also from Newquay. And finally tonight, all the way from Newquay: JEWBOT! Built by Coombes the jew.
SEB: What the HELL?
MIKE: JEW? YOU MADE A ROBOT?
LESLEY :Ach! It's an axle with a wheel at each end! It's no match for sir wankalot!
(some time later)
CRAIG CHARLES :What a shame Sir Wankalot couldn’t start on the Gauntlet and thus lost immediately. And now its time for the finalsemi-final: DOOMSPOON Vs. LETHAL MONKEY!
( Lethal Monkey fires a grenade and Doomspoon gets blown out of the arena, decapitating willers on the way. )
CRAIG CHARLES: Well, well. It looks like Lethal Monkey is gonna win the finals as well, because it's up against Jewbot, a swift little axle, but no offensive or even defensive capabilities. Lets get it on.
( jewbot falls on to it's end and remains thus throughout the final, as lethal Monkey is sliced and diced by the in-house robots)
MIKE: NO! its not possible!
CRAIG CHARLES: The judges are letting it go to Jewbot for its violent attack on the Monkey.
SEB: What the FUCK? ITS VIOLENT ATTACK?
LESLEY: I don't care that I lost. I only entered cause I thought I was going to get a shag out of Phillippa Forrester.
SEB: Lesley, you can't even get a shag out of a male prostitute.
LESLEY: Ah shut up. Hey! How do you know about the male prostitute?