Character Profiles

Stupid white trash was devised as a way of taking the piss out of this pathetic little scrote. His ma is Hotrod Harry, the local Porn King. A typical Lesley saying would be:

"This looks like an excuse to pleasure myself!"

(a wank)

Many people believe Mike to be the essence of all that is evil. He has been told that he's going to hell by a freaky Irish bible basher. He believes this and can't wait to die.He claims that anyone who stares at his face to long will have their soul taken away but most adults and teachers think he's a great guy.

Go figure.

typical saying: "ach! Grace Jones!"

Seb thinks he's "pretty cool". He's wrong, of course and is allergic to songs by Billie. He has groomed the finest sideburns in Britain and was voted Mr Sideburn 1998 by a unanimous decision made by several Irish bible bashers. He is a big fan of Red Dwarf and finds Satan "pretty cool".

A typical saying is " What the hell?"

Next time you see a tramp on the street, spare a thought for Coombes, 'cos he's got less cash than anyone else. Plus he's a jew. Coombes has had a very warped childhood. His Ma is always pissed and his brother has whiled away many a year raping him. If you feel sorry for him, or skint jews turn you on, send fan mail to [email protected]

Full name: big gay steve.

Steve only recently admitted to being homosexual, but everybody else had already guessed this. After only being officially gay for a couple of months he already got a boyfriend called Tom. There are rumours that he once had a relationship with Willers. Okay, they are not rumours, they both bite down and everybody knows it.

How can we even start to talk about this twisted little fuck? Well we could talk about his unhealthy obsession with masturbation, but that's too disgusting, and we don't have to hear about it 'cos he can't talk properly. Willers is almost as skint as Coombes and a typical saying is:

"MNMNMNMNMNZZZMNMN, SO THERE"

A occasional guest star is M.B, whose most famous moment involved killing Justin over Miss Pointblank. His recent attempt to grow sideburns made him look like Mungo Jerry. He is a loyal fan of WWF's superstar, The Rock.

A occasional guest star is Justin, whose most famous moment involved killing M.B over Miss Pointblank. Little is Known about him and his folks, but it is a fact that he's a proper Cornishman.A typical Justin saying is:

"oo arrrrr"

Comrade Buck Rodgerofski is the local Russian anarchist and only surviving descendant of good ol' Joseph Stalin. He enjoys the company of Napalm and other related wararms. Generally most people think he sucks. They are correct. A typical saying is

"Gradinko? Affirmative."

The town's last surviving drag-queen is coombes father. He is called this because he will do the works for a mere ten fags ( don’t pretend you don’t know what I'm talking about here, ya cheap hoes).

Seb's fat ma. PVC has a little black phone book in which are all her favourite clients. They are all called Lesley. Percy is afraid of worcester sauce flavour twiglets and this is the only way Seb can avoid her vile urges.(he puts the twiglet on the end of a stick and fends her off until he can get out of the house.)

Pat is Coombes ma. He has an unhealthy addiction to beer, indeed, anything with alcohol in it. Pat is a cruel fat pimp who often "grounds" coombes (he keeps him in slavery).Pat claims Coombes will remain in his paper round for eternity, and won't let him go into higher education because he might get clever. Pat is the commander in chief of sandlee holiday flats.